Critical Mascot
by ForASecondThereWe'dWon
Summary: Peter keeps plucking up the courage to ask MJ out. She keeps turning him down. He goes to Ned for help making sense of the weirdness of her latest rejection.


**Author's Note:**

Based on the Tumblr prompt: "A woman's sexuality is a moving target."

Enjoy!

* * *

Peter practically falls into Ned as he sits down for lunch, which, with the guy's enhanced sense of balance and all, means things must have gone _really_ badly.

Ned gives him a second. Slowly, his best friend plonks his elbows on the table, then folds inward like a cootie-catcher under construction. The forearms come down, followed by the chin, resting on top. He hasn't taken his backpack off. At least he didn't go forehead down, Ned thinks. Judging by Peter's body language, life still holds enough potential goodness not to condemn himself to a view that's 100% up-close table.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No."

But between Ned's last bite of his peanut butter and banana sandwich and the first bite of his lunch's _pièce de résistance _(two golden madeleines dusted in powdered sugar―delectable), Peter starts talking about it.

"She told me she'd rather go on a date with the mascot," he confesses, pained.

"Well, Peter, you have to admit, Scott is not a bad-looking―"

"The mascot with no one inside it."

Yeah, that's a pretty chilly rejection. And yet…

"At least she took you seriously this time," Ned offers, seeking that positive spin.

He gives his buddy a pat on the shoulder. Partly on shoulder, partly on backpack strap. Like it's a reminder, Peter shrugs off his bag and swings it up into the seat on his other side, joylessly. This is not the Peter Ned knows and loves.

"I don't know if I like it any better now that she believes me, to be honest," Peter glumly admits. He spreads his arms straight out across the table, then flips his hands up, gesturing. "When she thought I was kidding about asking her out, I got to see her laugh."

"Wow, you are head over heels."

Ned happens to glance towards the door and sees MJ heading into the cafeteria with Flash. They were assigned a project together in Physics the other day, otherwise Ned knows MJ wouldn't be appearing with Flash in a social setting (or any setting). He's not the best person to be next to when you want to blend into the wall.

"This could be progress though," Ned quickly insists, tracking MJ with his gaze. Peter's staring at his hands in a way his best friend finds heartrendingly melancholic.

"How."

Back to monosyllables. Not good.

"What she said about the mascot. You're the perfect guy for someone who wants to go out with a costume!"

Peter jerks upright in his seat.

"What the _hell_?!"

"Oh," Ned says, disappointed. "It was supposed to make you laugh. MJ's right there," he hisses. He smacks Peter's unfairly solid chest with the back of his hand. "Laugh."

"Ned―"

"She'll look over at you, Peter. _Laugh_."

His best friend technically does laugh. It's just that it sounds like an Ewok stubbing its toe (not that an Ewok ever would stub its toe, Ned mentally backtracks, as they seem spatially aware and live in an environment with a lot of soft, unthreatening plant life).

MJ pauses as Flash keeps walking, deaf to anything besides his own voice, and glances around. She gives Peter a look that's both pitying and highly sarcastic, then keeps going. But she does look.

"What if she meant it about the mascot?" Peter despairs once he's overcome his my-crush-is-looking-at-me paralysis. He turns in his seat, facing Ned. "What if she would rather date an inanimate object than me?"

"It's extremely unlikely."

"Yet possible," Peter presses, swiveling back. Ned watches him watch MJ, who is now seated at Flash's noisy table, looking unimpressed.

"Well…" Ned begins, and can't follow up for almost a minute. It would be unscientific of them to preclude the possibility of MJ having such an attraction. He glances at his pair of soon-to-be-eaten madeleines and feels re-centered. He shrugs. "A woman's sexuality is a moving target."

Peter sighs and their yearning gazes crisscross as his lands on MJ and Ned's finds Betty, posting a colourful flyer on the cafeteria bulletin board.

"Luckily," Ned says, perking up at the sight of his almost-girlfriend (he and Betty are nearly at that point, he can feel it), "you're more agile than the average arrow."

Peter looks sideways at him and gives his best friend a grateful smile.

"I'll drink to that."

They clank their refillable metal water bottles together, soothing the ache of their pining with Midtown Tech's finest tap water.


End file.
